College Education for Sale: CHEAP!!!
Today is the last normal Monday of the school year, which means also that it is the last worst day of the school year. For some of you, this is the last normal Monday of school for good.
Have you gotten everything out this year that you wanted? Did you get all the grades you wanted and rise to the heights you feel like you are capable of reaching?
Chances are, the answer to all of these questions is a resounding and rather depressing “No.”
Does this make the school year a waste of time? Yes, it does. So why go on?
I cannot be responsible for an existential meltdown, so rather than leaving you to ponder this question for your entire summer break, I am inclined to answer it.
An anecdote: Today, I was on AppalCart. Yeah ha ha I don’t have a car. You were there once too. I wanted to stop at Boone Mall. Thus, I pulled the little red cord and the doorbell tone rang and the screen said “STOP REQUEST” and the googly-eyed, roly-poly bus driver empty-headedly drove on.
“Good sir bus driver,” said I. “I requested a stop and you failed to open the door.”
“No, I stopped. People got on and off.”
“No you didn’t.”
He scoffed.
I instantly began searching for something to knock him out with, but then the words of my wise grandfather filled my head: “You don’t get a degree in bus driving.”
Bus Driver Man is bitter at the world. At first glance you think he might have an excuse – he drives a freaking bus. That can’t be good for morale.
But society cannot give Bus Driver Man a gold star for doing a crappy job that no one else wants. Truth is he got that crappy job that no one else because he didn’t deserve a gold star to begin with. Bus Driver Man, I would almost guarantee, did not go to school. He has put forth very little effort throughout his life: he sits for a living. Come on.
Functioning, working members of society have a much better excuse to be bitter than people who got their lot in life exclusively through being lazy.
This, readers, is why you should go on. Don’t be a bus driver. Stay in school. Or, given the current state of economy, sell your spot at this school to a richer kid and apply at AppalCart. At the very least you can be embittered and piss off students for the rest of your life.
- Patrick Babcock
