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That One Guy versus That Other Guy

I imagine you all know there is a presidential election just a couple weeks away.

Believe it or not, this concerns you. I suppose the majority of those reading this are of voting age.

So, as a noble journalist, I’ve decided to take it as my own personal call to spread the facts about both candidates to better inform you.

For those who voted early, like myself, don’t stop reading: you might learn something.

First, I’d say it would be beneficial to know whom you would be voting for. Sen. Barack Obama (D – Ill.) is the young senator who talks really well and is running for president on the Democratic ticket. He likes to make his opponent sound stupid, old and out-of-touch. The Democratic vice presidential candidate is Sen. Joe Biden (D – Del.), but vice presidents really aren’t all that important anyway.

Sen. John McCain (R – Ariz.) is the Republican presidential candidate and some sources report that he’s been around approximately since the dawn of time. Some political analysts (Stephen Colbert, etc.) theorize that he wrote a gospel of the New Testament of the Christian Bible.

McCain’s running mate is Tina Fey, a longtime writer for the hit television show Saturday Night Live. Or, that’s what television might have you believe. The similarities between Fey and this Sarah Palin character are uncanny:

Click HERE for video.

You be the judge. In reality, Gov. Sarah Palin (R – Alaska) is the Republican vice presidential candidate.

But the important things about the election this year are, of course, the issues- and what issues they are. Of course there’s the crisis with oil and energy and the growing unfathomable horror on Wall Street. Of course there’s education and health care. Really, who cares about those issues?

The issues that we Americans really care about, and should pay attention to, are some of the ones that are all but hidden by broadcast media. I’m talking about the issue of “Who is passionate enough to name a child after the presidential candidates?”

According to USA Today, a courageous man tricked his wife who had just given birth to naming his newborn daughter Sarah McCain Palin. Such strength. It takes a true American Hero to do the right thing and stand up for what he or she believes in (or what his or her spouse doesn’t believe in).

“I took one for the cause,” he said. “I can’t give a lot of financial support for the [McCain/Palin] campaign. I do have a sign up in my yard, but I can do very little.”

This is an inspiring display of patriotism. I believe that all Americans could learn a thing or two from this man who was allowed to do such a thing to a beautiful infant girl.

Hopefully, you’ll find that same drive in your heart. For those who can’t, I advise you to keep an eye on the polls. Specifically, the credible and accurate San Francisco “Alection” Beer Poll in which voters purchase a beer adorned with their choice’s name to cast their vote. Barack Obama leads four-to-one in “Alection.”

According to USA Today, “… for McCain, whose wife Cindy McCain is heiress to a family owned Anheuser-Busch distributor, the results are ‘kind of sad.’”

Bottom line, folks, is to stay informed and PLEASE VOTE. If you don’t think that you have an informed opinion or you hate both candidates, just read the news for about five minutes – one of them is bound to infuriate you enough to vote against him.

-Patrick Babcock

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